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Mallory: Harmony amidst Madness

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[24 Nov 2006|06:46pm]
Ok so I added ya'll to my new journal. LennonLove331. So just add me back and all will be cool.

Also, willnotbeshaken   I thought I had ur sister added but she must have got a new journal or something. What's her username? anyone have any cool friends they wanna send my way, feel free.  Also I need some cool new icons any ideas? Where can I get some, can ya make me one? thanks peace all last entry for this journal.
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[24 Nov 2006|04:34pm]
working on a new journal the username is LennonLove331. Please add me before I add u. It would be a lot less work for me.
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[23 Nov 2006|12:35pm]
[ mood | thankful duh ]

I got new cigarettes. KooL XL. They are fat. Literally. 

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for all u little twats that read this shit. J/k I love you. Well j/k about the twat part not that I'm thankful.

Gobble

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Chillin at *home* : D [17 Nov 2006|10:36pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Well Tom and I moved into our trailer. I am now a proud home renter/soon to be owner.  We kind of moved in under not so great terms though. My mom's electric got shut off and later that day, her gas. And even later that day, Tom tells me she is in jail for driving on a suspended. For the second time. She's been there since Monday and it's driving me insane. If I were in jail for that long, I'd kill myself. And that's what's bothering me, I know my mom would get me outta there before u can say "get me the hell outta here". But I don't have $500 and no way to get it so there's really nothing I can do. I'm just worried she's gonna lose her house. Cuz guess where she'll be living? Right here with us. Sounds selfish but I also don't want her to get sick cuz she obviously isn't getting any of her meds. That scares the crap outta me I have to bust her outta there. Monday we're going to visit unless we can get her out via a bail bondsman before then...

It just really sucks cuz Tom and I are finally starting our lives together and I can't be happy without instantly thinking of what agony she's going through and the fact that I can do absolutely nothing about it.

I am so happy here tho, I mean once everything settles with my mom I'll just be ecstatic. It's so amazing. Tom's aunt generously bought us a "housewarming gift" of almost 1000 dollars worth of new carpet and tile. I don't deserve all this. We got our internet and cable today obviously. We're getting a house phone next week. The cats are friggin lovin it here. Kitty is so happy and I think Slinky is a little scared (she pissed all over our bed the first night lol) but she's getting used to it. I think this is just so much better for everyone. Well my mom doesn't know that yet but she'll find out soon. Not soon enough.

Aww the dad just told Elf to get out of his life. It was sad. I don't really remember this movie I've only seen it once.

I am killing myself by caring.  My body is a twisted display of agony and pain.


peace. for you at least I hope.


UPDATE: Slinky , the one that is scared of people, just jumped onto my lap. I feel a breakthrough coming on...

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[11 Nov 2006|12:04am]






Which Grey's Anatomy Character Are You?




You're Meredith Grey!You have trouble making tough decisions and you don't want to grow up. You are very bossy, but in a good way. People admire your sense of humor and your great personality.

Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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this made me sick [09 Nov 2006|10:00pm]
I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I am so disturbed.


http://www.klonopinz.com
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[09 Nov 2006|07:32pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Cuz I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore


The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain


Cuz I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

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[06 Nov 2006|08:05pm]
The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:

Opening song: Counting Crows - Meet Virginia

Waking up: Christina Aguilera - Keep on Singin my Song

First date: Blink182 - First Date

First kiss: Deana Carter - Strawberry Wine

Falling in love: Elton John - Your Song

Seeing an old love: Christina Aguilera - Fighter

Heartbreak: Nelly and Tim McGraw - Over and Over

Driving fast: Ludacris - Move Bitch

Getting ready to go out: Kanye West - The New Workout Plan

Partying with friends: Sublime - Ruca

Dancing at a club: Missy Elliott - Work It

Flirting: Incubus - Are you In

Feeling sexy: Danity Kane - ShowStopper

Walking alone in the rain: Jack Johnson - Breakdown

Missing someone: Kate Bush - This Woman's work

Playing in the ocean: Incubus - Wish you Were Here

Summer vacation: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California

Fighting with someone: Placebo - Every me Every you

Acting goofy with friends: Afroman - Colt45

Thinking back: Red Hot Chili Peppers - By the Way

Feeling depressed: Staind - Epiphany

Christmas time: Mariah Carey- All I Want for Christmas is you

Falling asleep: Beatles - Across the Universe

Closing song: Switchfoot - Meant to Live


Take The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey


Get more cool things for your blog at Blogthings
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[06 Nov 2006|07:00pm]
[ mood | numb ]

I think I'll shower today. It's been a few weeks.


If that's not an indication of how I've been feeling lately, I dunno what is.


Maybe I'll take all these pop cans and dirty bowls out of here to.
I should probably feed the cats, do the litter, and clean up all of my dirty kleenex too.

Sorry if anyone's lost respect for me for this entry but I haven't gotten out of bed or done anything mildly productive in weeks. ALmost could say months.

Then while downloading some music like last week, I had the stupid idea to download that horrid song "This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush. I knew it would make me cry but what I didn't realize was that I hadn't cried about the baby since the day it happened. I've been holding it all in and once I heard that song I totally broke down. Shaking, sobbing, the whole nine yards. I'm scared as hell to try again cuz idk what I'd do if it didn't work out a second time...

I figured my gramma Co. and John Lennon are my baby's new parents. May sound stupid to you but it's the only thing I can think about that makes me feel better. Knowing that he/she (I think it was a he) is being taken care of by two people I love/trust. But then I remembered that grandpa Art is up there too so John can just be like a god parent.


Who would have thought the process of grieving someone you've never seen, never touched, never held in ur arms.... would take so long and be SO HARD.

I am the weakest person I know.

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I've seen 113 can't get lj cut to work sorry [05 Nov 2006|04:47pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Supposedly if you've seen over 70, you have no life. Number the ones you've seen. Put your score in the header and repost.



( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
(x ) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
( x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Young Frankenstein
( ) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Saw
( ) White Noise
( x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X


(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
( x ) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
(x) Harry Potter & the Philosophers/Sorcerers Stone


( ) Harry Potter 2
 ( ) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( x ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Donnie Darko
(x) Lilo & Stitch


(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( x ) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( x ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( x ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) Thirteen Going on 30
(x) I, Robot


(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) Kingpin
( x ) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights


(x) A Cinderella Story
( x ) The Terminal
( x ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( x ) Dumb & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring


( x ) The Ring 2
(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( x ) Practical magic
( x ) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
( x ) I Am Sam
( ) The whole 9 yards


(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
( x ) Bride of Chucky
( x ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( x ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Coach Carter
(x) Bad Boys


(x) Bad Boys 2
( x ) Joy Ride
(x) Se7en
( ) Oceans eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
( ) Lone Star
( x ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II


( ) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( x ) A Bronx Tale
( x ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
( x ) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
( x ) My Boss' daughter.
( ) Frailty


( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( x ) She's All That
( x ) Calendar girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( x ) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China


(x) X-Men
( ) X-2
( x ) Jeepers Creepers
( x )Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
( x ) The Others
( x ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
(x) Cruel Intentions
( x ) The Hot Chick

( x ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( x ) K-Pax
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
( ) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
( ) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( x ) A Walk to Remember
( x ) Varsity Blues


(x) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
( ) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
( ) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
( ) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
( )Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
( ) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi...
( x ) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks


( ) Air force one
( x ) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
( x ) Sound of Music
(x) Parent Trap 1 (old)
(x) Parent Trap 2 (new)
( ) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator


(x) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
( x ) Meet Joe Black
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x) The Silence of the Lambs
(x) Sleepy Hollow
( x ) I Heart Huckabees
( ) 24 Hour Party People
( ) Blood In Blood Out
( x ) The Virgin Suicides

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[03 Nov 2006|08:25pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

I just saw how many ppl viewed my party invite already but no one's really said they're coming yet. I know I JUST did it and ppl need time to think but if you've ever seen the movie Stella...... that's what I keep picturing happening to me.


: \

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Party next weekend!! YARG! [03 Nov 2006|01:52pm]
My costume:




I LOVE the little boot things they're like those things you put over boots and it kinda looks like they're attached. W/e they are I love em. I might get a sword/wig... whaddaya think? It already comes with the head thing.

And Tom's:




his comes with the head thing and that's it. He has to wear his own pants/shoes lol he was gonna get the Jack Sparrow wig but it was crazy tangled


so yea,  I'm excited in case you can't tell
First home, first party, first time seeing a lot of people in a long time
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[01 Nov 2006|08:00pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

Was in the E.R. yet again last night. These stupid neck pain/psychotic episodes. Nothing is wrong they say yet again, it's stress. I know my body, I know what stress is. I had to go to the same bathroom I kept going in the night they took my baby. Brought back horrible memories. I still feel like crying every time I see a baby. Last night idk if it was all the pain meds or what but I felt like I could see the babies face. He was adorable. Cute little nose, blue eyes, light brown hair. And he was saying "mommy don't let them do this to me". It broke my heart. Yea now that I say it I'm pretty sure it was the meds. They made me feel pretty darn good for about 10 minutes. Then they gave me another shot and it just made me queasy. First I had Toradol, nothing , pain got worse then the next two shots were dilaudid that made me feel good, no more pain but it only lasted a minute cuz like I said they gave me morphine last time and I felt NOTHING. Anyway we got the trailer , doing the carpet, painting, n stuff then hopefully moving in. I wanted to be excited, thought I would, but I'm numb. I've been on the Prozac before but it never made me feel like this. I want off NOW but apparently u can't do that. I think if they never gave me any of that stuff in the first place like 2001 times... I'd be fine now. I keep getting these rage attacks and really bad tremors. It feels like the devil is trying to come outta my body and nothing can stop it. Then I have spasms and after about a HORRID, PAINFUL couple of hours, it stops. If I can't get thru the next few days to switch my meds, Im goin to the psych ward at Beaumont. Hopefully it doesn't come to that but when I get like that I say and do things I don't even remember. But of course the head CT showed nothing so I dunno what else to do. Moving soon. Hopefully having a party. Grape and Orange jello shots for Halloween if I can afford the liquor. The food stamps will take care of the jello lol. I already bought candy corn and halloween cupcakes. We have pirate costumes, I invited bunches of people and I hope to take lots of pics cuz Ive been looking at myspace pages and all these happy pics and I look back and wish I could be involved in some of them it makes me so depressed. So I wanna make some of my own with some of my FRIENDS I guess this party will decide if I have any. IF anyone shows up. I gotta go now my mother is driving me insane and I want to bash my head in :) All I can do is sleep, sleep, sleep to avoid any feelings of rage/pain/or depression. Even though things are goin great for everyone finally, I HATE the way I feel. I want to be happy. I'm stressed about my future (job/school) but besides that I should  fine. I wish I was.
I leave you with lyrics, as I commonly do: 


How do you feel? that is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in, describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me


Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home,
sitting all alone inside your head
 


hope to have so me n Tom ,  and pumpkin pics up soon. Once we move and get the scanner working and actually  take pictures of the pumpkins

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[27 Oct 2006|04:53am]
instantkarma311</lj>'s Halloween party:

_theakas dressed as Chekov from "Star Trek".
angel4umabove66 dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Phantom Knight.
annies_icons dressed as the Duke of Taxopine.
ayeita dressed as a bottle of Avanphex.
beach182bum dressed as a substitute network administrator.
blackdragon420 didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
ch3rrysodapop dressed as your grandfather.
chanaderlerbong dressed as a diplomat from Benin.
clippyclip dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Rich Orchestra.
drydenhexum311 dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
fuzzienav3l dressed as Rush Limbaugh riding a cow.
instantkarma311 dressed as Squidward.
lilseppey didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
nudistatheart dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Oprah Burgerkisser".
sourjones89 dressed as the Cardinal of Freytes-Brittain.
tecasse dressed as a 1960's hippie child.
willnotbeshaken dressed as Winona Ryder, though it looked more like Optimus Prime.
xlustlostlovex dressed as Hurricane Grant.
yllom dressed as Bono, though it looked more like a quarterback for the Ravens.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense
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Wow, does this include me, like there's only one more?? [18 Oct 2006|06:17pm]

HowManyOfMe.com
LogoThere are:
2
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

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[10 Oct 2006|12:05pm]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!!
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I stole it I stole it [05 Oct 2006|08:12pm]
st 10 musical artists you like, in no specific order (do this before reading the questions below)!

1. John Lennon
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. 311
4. Garth Brooks
5. Reba
6. Steve Miller Band
7. Killers
8. OutKast
9. Zack Hexum
10. White Stripes

about 4 are thanks to Aimee so I didn't really wanna say em cuz I feel like I'm "not allowed" to like em anymore or somethin but oh well I do.


-What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
prolly Fly Like an Eagle... I hate that song

-What is your favorite song of 8?
Mrs. Jackson

-What is your favorite lyric of 5?

"I knew what I had to do but I made myself this solemn vow
That I was gonna be a lady someday though  I didn't know when or how
I couldn't see spendin the rest of my life
with my head held down in shame
Ya know I mighta been born just plain white trash but Fancy was my name..."


-How many times have you seen 4 live?
zero... he "retired", twice I think


-What is your favorite song by 7?
All These Things that I have done


-Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
You Wouldn't Believe.....   
"A million people come and go
through a person's ebb and flow

and faces keep on changing while they're changing
A certain few will stay intact
when they're not they'll don an act..."

-What is your favorite lyric of 2?
"All I want is for you to be happy and
Take this moment to make you my family
and
Finally you have found something perfect
and
Finally you have found

Death defying this mess I’m buying
It’s raining down with love and hate
And I find it hard to motivate and

Estuary is blessed but scary your
Heart’s about to palpitate
And I’m not about to hesitate..."



-What is your favorite song by 9?
Some of the Time


-When did you first get into 1?
probably about 5 years ago


What is your favorite song by 4?
Rodeo, The Dance

-How many times have you seen 9 live?
once

-What is a good memory concerning 2?
Not really a memory but I always think of the Hard to Concentrate sims video on youtube

-Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
no

-What is your favorite song of 1?
I can't pick a favorite but I really like Jealous Guy and Beautiful Boy

-How did you become a fan of 10?
Aimee


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[22 Sep 2006|03:19pm]

We got another kitty! Haven't named her yet. Any suggestions?

My mom doesnt even know about her yet cuz she's sooo shy she's been hiding since we got her. It kinda scares me cuz she's prolly pissin wherever she is and she hasn't eaten yet : (

Tom calls em Kitty 1 and Kitty 2, I told him that's not goin down tho Kitty is bad enuff.

But Kitty likes her, I think. She plays a little rough tho so the new one hisses at her now.

That's all, movin soon can't wait            peace

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[20 Sep 2006|03:40pm]
Ok so I've been askin for a while but now I reallly need it. I know SOMEONE out there knows how to make a layout. Now my background pic has been deleted so plz guys help a sister out.

I went to my new therapist yesterday it wasnt too bad a lot better than I thought.
I figured I really need it now tho maybe it will help me cope with my loss.

But on a great note! We got a trailer! we should be moving verrry soon. They just got a new one and it's the biggest rental they have. It's like twice the size of my mom's. But Tom said if we buy it, we can give it to her when we move. He's so sweet.

I am ready to start my future with my beautiful boy, I can't wait.

Every day just gets better.
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I really am the luckiest girl alive. [14 Sep 2006|02:43pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

There are some times (like after fighting cuz ur both crabby and both only got two hours of sleep) when holding hands can fix the world.
It's like you know that that is what you are SUPPOSED to be doing at that exact moment...
It just feels so right .
And you know that that is the last hand u ever want to hold and the last person u ever want to kiss and that no matter what stupid thing you fight about , it's never gonna matter cuz all he has to do is hug , kiss , or even touch u and nothing else matters.

I want to share the rest of my life with you, I'm gonna have your children and we're gonna grow old n crabby and delirously happy together.

And all this seriously came from one touch of the hand.

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